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Charles R. Swindoll

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How to Balance Being Tough and Tender

By Charles R. Swindoll

In last week’s post we examined Paul’s defense before Felix and discovered that Paul’s words illustrate how to maintain a tender heart and a tough hide while enduring criticism.

How to Balance Being Tough and Tender
Image from Photodune.

We saw the first two of seven ways that Paul did it:

  1. He refused to get caught up in the emotion of the charges.
  2. He stayed with the facts.

5 Ways Paul Balanced Being Tough and Tender

Now, let’s examine the five remaining ways to cultivate a tender heart and a tough hide.

3. Paul told the truth with a clear conscience. He stated, “But this I admit to you . . . I do serve the God of our fathers . . . I also do my best to maintain always a blameless conscience . . . both before God and before men” (Acts 24:14–16). There is nothing like a clean conscience. It not only helps you sleep well, it keeps you thinking clearly. You have no fear that some skeleton will rattle when an investigation begins . . . because there is no skeleton!

4. Paul identified the original source of the criticism. Few things are more maddening than shadowboxing when you’re dealing with criticism. One of the worst things you can do is to spread the venom to a number of other people—your children, your parents, your friends, or a group of other Christians—rather than going to the original source of contention and addressing it. You need a tough hide to do that. It takes guts.

5. He would not surrender or quit. I love that about Paul. He’s like a pit-bull on your ankle; he won’t let go! Take a moment to read 2 Corinthians 11:23–33. Beaten, bloodied, shipwrecked, harassed, endangered, run out of town, and falsely accused, Paul didn’t give up, let up, or shut up.

6. He did not become impatient or bitter. For two years Paul had been waiting for this trial. Did you know that? Yet we see no sign of bitterness. No impatience. No grudges. No ranting against the Roman authorities. Paul believed God was firmly in control of both people and events.

7. He stood on the promise of God. You know what flashed through my mind when I read this passage in Acts 24? A song I’ve sung in church since I was just a kid in Sunday school: “Standing on the Promises of God.” Someone has said that there are over 7,000 promises in the Bible. Have you claimed even one this past week? How about two? Do I hear five?

Handling Criticism with Grit and Grace

How did Paul handle criticism?

  • He refused to get caught up in the emotion of the charges.
  • He stayed with the facts.
  • He told the truth with a clear conscience.
  • He identified the original source of the accusations.
  • He refused to surrender or quit.
  • He became neither impatient nor bitter.
  • He stood on the promise of God.

Is that great or what? And it’s all from the Bible.

My fellow pastor, you can do every one of those seven. If you want a tender heart and a tough hide when enduring criticism, you must do them.

So must I.

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End-of-Year Essentials that are Easy to Forget

By Charles R. Swindoll

I remember it well. It was Christmas of 1958, and Bob Hope and his troupe included Okinawa along with other Asian ports in their goodwill tour. I was among thousands of others that evening—homesick for the good ol’ USA, missing my wife and counting the days. When the veteran entertainer sang his closing song, “Thanks for the Memories,” all of us sang along with him as we found ourselves flooded with memories.

End-of-Year Essentials that are Easy to Forget
(Photo: By Petr Kratochvil. GFDL, http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html CC-BY-SA-3.0, via Wikimedia Commons)

I recall how grateful I was for that tour of duty: the lessons I had learned, the disciplines I had begun to employ (thanks to the Navigators), the books I had read, the missionaries I had met, the places I had visited, the journals I had kept, the letters I had written, the verses I had memorized, even the things I had witnessed inside a Marine Corps barracks (what goes on there, stays there!).

And, most importantly, the call I had received from God to enter ministry.

Pastoring has to be the highest of all callings. In this position, we have the privilege of touching life at its most tender points . . . of walking with pain through its darkest valleys . . . of proclaiming truth in its purest form . . . of confronting sin in its ugliest scenes . . . of modeling integrity through its hardest extremes—while everyone is watching as well as when no one is looking.

It is no wonder to me why it requires a God-given calling before one enters it or why such a struggle accompanies resignation from it.

As we review the memories of this year, let’s remind ourselves of a few essentials that are easy to forget. I’ll list them so that each one might stick in our minds throughout the Yuletide season. Three specifics come to mind.

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Follow Our 2014 Israel Blog

By Charles R. Swindoll

My fellow pastors,

I’ll be in Israel for the next couple of weeks, helping to lead our Insight for Living Israel Tour. During that time, I won’t be posting my regular pastor’s blog.

However . . . I invite you to follow along with our tour by subscribing to our Israel Tour Blog. The blog will feature daily updates of sites we’re seeing and lessons we’re learning.

I believe you will enjoy it!

Please pray for me as I teach at many of these locations. Pray that God’s Word would take firm root in the hearts of those pilgrims who travel with us.

Shalom,

Chuck

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To Help You Counsel

By Charles R. Swindoll

Suffering is a universal experience. No matter what language we speak . . . no matter what ethnic or economic background we represent, each of us knows heartache. In fact, Joseph Parker, a great preacher of yesteryear, once said it this way to a group of young ministers:

Preach to the suffering and you will never lack a congregation. There is a broken heart in every pew.
—Joseph Parker

I know I don’t need to convince you of that. You hear variations on that theme countless times each week as you interact and counsel with people who need direction and encouragement from God’s Word.

For us, the question is obvious: “In light of my demanding schedule as a pastor, how do I adequately prepare in order to point my counselees toward healing and hope?”

We at Insight for Living Ministries ask ourselves this question too . . . because people continually turn to us asking for answers to their own tough questions. And so, through years of intensive, elbow-deep study of God’s Word and continual involvement with people, we created a resource especially to help the busy pastor.

Counseling Insights touches on 50 of the issues you’ll deal with most in your counseling ministry. Issues related to marriage, the family, the Christian life, as well as personal and emotional issues. You will be able to:

  • Prepare for counseling sessions by giving you a case study and sample questions to ask
  • Understanding the issue being considered from a biblical framework with Scriptures specifically related to that issue
  • Counsel with “tried-and-true” wisdom to help the counselee through the correction, healing, and restorative processes necessary for lifelong emotional and spiritual maturity
  • Download instantly any or all of the 50 PDFs related to the issue you need for your upcoming session. No waiting!

In this helpful counseling resource, you will not find simplistic clichés or quick-fix solutions but biblically based principles that equip you to offer assistance to those struggling through life’s deepest hurts. See the topics addressed.

My prayer is that Counseling Insights will become a tool that genuinely assists you as you minister to others. You can instantly download individual topics or the entire set at our Counseling Insights store page.

I highly recommend it for your pastoral ministry.

—Chuck

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Follow Our 2012 Israel Video Blog

By Charles R. Swindoll

My fellow pastors,

I’ll be in Israel for the next couple of weeks, leading our Insight for Living Israel Tour. During that time, I won’t be posting my regular pastor’s blog.

However . . . I invite you to follow along with our tour by subscribing below to our Israel Tour user experience blog. The blog will feature video of sites we’re seeing and lessons we’re learning, plus posts from our fellow travelers. I believe you will enjoy it!

http://www.insight.org/connect/events/video-blogs/2012-israel-tour/

Please pray for me as I teach at many of these locations. Pray that God’s Word would take firm root in the hearts of those pilgrims who travel with us.

Shalom,

Chuck

P. S. Although I won’t be posting to this blog, I will post regular FaceBook and Twitter updates throughout the trip. If you are interested, you can begin to follow me on Facebook and Twitter.

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Saying it Well: Touching Others with Your Words

By Charles R. Swindoll

I wrote my new book primarily for you—for speakers in general and preachers in particular. After five decades of honing the craft, I feel that I’m finally ready to put into print much of what now works for me as a preacher and public speaker.

Saying It WellI wanted to communicate everything I’ve learned, but that’s unrealistic. Some things—let’s face it—can’t be put into words on a page; they must come naturally from within. Each of us has an inimitable “style” that is ours and ours alone. But there are some things I mention that might be of value to you; I certainly hope so.

Our own individuality is what makes our message compelling and our delivery unique. Let’s never forget that. From this point on, it’s important that you release yourself from the straitjacket of others’ expectations. Furthermore, you must determine to overcome your fear of not sounding like some other person you admire. You can learn from each of them . . . but don’t waste your time trying to be them—or acting a little like them. That’s phony. The goal, remember, is authenticity. Until you free yourself from that trap, you’ll not find your own voice. I repeat: you are YOU and none other. Never forget that each insight or principle or suggestion—whether from me or another author—must be fitted into YOUR style and YOUR way of expressing yourself when YOU speak or preach.

How I wish someone in my formal education had told me these things! Because no one did, I spent far too much time trying to look like or sound like someone I wasn’t. Thankfully, all that is behind me—and I hope the same is true of you. If not, maybe my book will help to free you to become the preacher God created you to be.

I pray the book is a major encouragement to you and an enhancement of your pulpit ministry.

—Chuck

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Pastors and Pornography

By Charles R. Swindoll

Let me ask you a tough question:

Do you struggle with internet pornography?

If you do, you’re not alone. Many pastors today are caught in porn’s deceptive tentacles and they feel there is no way to escape.

But there is.

I want to recommend an article that we recently published on our Insight for Living Web site. It’s Pastor Darrell Brazell’s candid story of his addiction—but more importantly—of his freedom from pornography’s grasp. You can read his story here.

Let me also add that if you want to contact someone in complete confidentiality, you can connect with our pastoral counseling team on our Pastor-to-Pastor line at 972-473-5102 (Monday through Friday, 8:00 a.m.–5:00 p.m. central time). They are well-trained and can offer you some practical steps.

You will also find encouragement and resources on our Men’s Purity topical page.

If you struggle with porn as a pastor, I know that you want to break free. I’m certain that you want to honor the Lord. Freedom is possible.

I urge you to begin right now.

—Chuck

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My Interview with LeadershipJournal.net

By Charles R. Swindoll

This week I want to recommend that you spend a few minutes reading a recent interview I had with LeadershipJournal.net. In the brief conversation, I shared a number of my passions for today’s pastors—especially for those younger than me. (Yes, I’m sure that includes most of you!)

I urge you to do more than read the interview. I hope you’ll ponder the words with all seriousness . . . evaluate what I say against the Scriptures . . . and then determine to apply what the Spirit of God impresses upon you.

—Chuck

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Looking Backward and Forward . . . and Upward

By Charles R. Swindoll

For years I’ve wondered at how God places us in a holding pattern between two holidays. I think it’s for the purpose of evaluation. During this time, life naturally slows its pace. It’s a perfect occasion to push the “pause” button . . . and take stock of our lives.

Just think about this last year—or better, the last two or three years. Things haven’t gone at all like you expected, have they? You may be living in a completely different city than where you lived three years ago. In fact, you assumed you would be living in that previous location all your life. But you’ve now come to realize there are other places to live . . . and that God’s grand plan for you includes a complete change of scenery.

Perhaps you haven’t moved, but you now hold positions and exercise responsibilities that you never would have imagined several years ago. Frankly, you may find yourself “between ministries” (that’s what we pastors call “unemployed”), whereas a few years ago your position seemed secure.

For some . . . “tragedy” has struck (from an earthly perspective), and a dark shadow has been cast across your life . . . or perhaps within the life of someone in your family. At such times, it helps to cling to the perspectives of Joseph and Paul, who factored God’s sovereignty into the struggle of their lives (Genesis 50:20; Romans 8:28 —please stop and read!).

Finally, there are a few of you who can say that these have been years of sheer delight. You have grown and discovered new areas of God’s goodness and God’s world—even regarding your own person—that you never knew before. You have received new insights into the Word of God. You’ve been given a deeper understanding of many in the flock you pastor. Your family and your friends have grown closer.

Whatever we might say about the events of the past few years, we have to confess that most of these things have come without announcement. We really had no way of knowing they would occur. “The mind of man plans his way,” Solomon reminds us, “But the LORD directs his steps” (Proverbs 16:9).

As we close out the old year and prepare for the new, you and I find ourselves shaking our heads in amazement as we look back . . . and lifting our eyes in faith to heaven as we look ahead.

Truth be told, the future remains a vast, unknown, open space. Yet it lies completely in the hands of our sovereign Lord. “Our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases” (Psalm 115:3).

As you step out into the unknown, stay close to Him.

—Chuck