I don’t want to intensify your guilt—not at all. But let me go ahead and say that it’s probably true that some of you are neglecting the home, and the ministry has become your mistress. Believe me; I understand how that can happen. I confess that there were periods in my own life when that occurred, which I have shared with you before.

Having been there, I’m telling you: it isn’t worth it.

My word to you is to learn the difference between being engaged in ministry and being controlled by it.

May I Say the Obvious?

You still have a family!

• They still long to have lunch with you.
• They still love to get a phone call.
• They want to know wisdom from you outside the pulpit.
• They still yearn to have an arm around their shoulders.
• They still want you to make time to sit on the back porch and kick back and listen.
• They want you to attend their ball games and go to their performance and see you relax . . . really relax!
• They still want to know that you can do more in your spare time than study.
• And they really want to hear you laugh!

They are the ones you will leave in your legacy—the only ones who have your blood and your name. They need you. They want you.

After all, they’re the ones who could write the unauthorized biography. Oh, what a thought! I won’t go there.

Words Worth Pondering

Let me end this entry by quoting from a book you should get if you don’t have it. Ken Gire, in his little volume A Father’s Gift: The Legacy of Memories, closes with these reflective words.

What pictures will my son remember
when he comes to the plain granite marker
over his father’s grave?
What will my daughters remember?
Or my wife? . . .

. . . I’ve resolved to give fewer lectures,
to send fewer platitudes rolling their way,
to give less criticism,
to offer fewer opinions. . . .

. . . From now on, I will give them pictures they can live by,
pictures that can comfort them,
encourage them,
and keep them warm
in my absence.

Because when I’m gone, there will only be silence.
And memories. . . .

. . . Of all
I could give
to make their lives a little fuller,
a little richer,
a little more prepared
for the journey ahead of them,
nothing compares to the gift of remembrance—
pictures that show they are special
and that they are loved.

Pictures that will be there
when I am not.

Pictures that have within them
a redemption all their own.[ref]Ken Gire, A Father’s Gift: The Legacy of Memories (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1992), 51, 53, 57.[/ref]

I’ve been in ministry more than five decades. During that time I have discovered what might sound basic and obvious—but believe me, it took years to learn. In fact, I’m still growing into the reality of what it means. I have learned that relationships come just below one’s walk with God.

Even Jesus illustrated this principle by the relationships in His life, didn’t He?

• The Lord ministered to the multitudes.
• Within that crowd He had His followers.
• That group narrowed further to the Twelve, then to the three (Peter, James, and John).
• Finally, Jesus had John, the beloved disciple.

I have found that a minister of the gospel has at least four key areas of relationships.

4 Key Relationships for the Pastor

Picture these people as concentric circles around you—somewhat like those whom Jesus had around Him. Let’s start with those closest to you and work our way out.

1. Your immediate circle is your family. Obviously, if you are married, I’m referring to your relationship with your wife. But prior to marriage, and now in tandem with it, you may have a continuing relationship with your parents. And then you and your wife have a relationship with your children, your grandchildren, your in-laws, and even further relationships within the family.
2. The next circle out would be those who serve with you on a pastoral staff. You may serve in a church with a multiple-staff, or perhaps you are the only staff person. Maybe you employ someone on a part-time basis, or you may have volunteers. All of us have those like these who serve faithfully and consistently. Those relationships are unique.
3. The third circle would be fellow leaders in the church. Perhaps they are elders and deacons, or you may have other titles in your denomination. These would be those leaders who serve alongside us.
4. Finally, the fourth and largest circle represents those in our local congregation. And I’ve divided those into five categories: the attendees, the friends, the attractive, the troubled, and finally—the most difficult of all—the troublemakers.

A pastor’s relationships are essential.

Looking Ahead

I want to take my time in addressing these with you over the weeks ahead. We’re in no hurry. Relationships take time to develop . . . and talking about them does as well. These are the lives that touch us, shape us, minister to us, mean the world to us, or drive us nuts if they could.

Relationships come just below one’s walk with God. So easy to say . . . but so challenging to live.